2 years!

2 years ago I was in Korea... the realization hit me hard, I can't figure out how the 2 year anniversary of bringing her home came so fast! It has been a long time since I posted but since I can't sleep I feel sappy and inspired to write here at least one more time.

I look at Sophia every day and am in awe that we have been blessed with such an amazing, bright, funny, loving little girl! She has touched my life in a way I never thought imaginable.

What I remember from Sophia's adoption journey...

I remember the decision to adopt for the 2nd time....it crept upon me and my husband quite quickly and intensely...like all of a sudden we both felt it was what we wanted...with a huge intensity that neither of us had felt since the decision to adopt Alex...counting back I realize that when Carl and I made the decision to adopt was probably about the Sophia's birthmom found out she was pregnant!!!!

I remember the time after the homestudy...thinking we would maybe have to wait a year or so for a referral...thinking I would be DONE with grad school before this happened...thinking I had it ALL PLANNED OUT...and then the realization that I was wrong when my social worker said...you are getting close to a referral....and it was the summer BEFORE my last year of grad school...and she said to me and to Carl...."you can choose to go on hold for another 6 months or so if that's what you want"....and Carl and I said "no...we'll go for it"...and we were both thinking...."Do we know what the H*** we're getting ourselves into here?"

Then I remember the call from my social worker...the CALL....everyone who has adopted knows about the CALL. Diane called me and started talking to me about a little girl and I was sitting in my yellow chair...the recliner....Carl was at work and Alex was at school and I was working on grad school stuff and all I could think was..."why is she telling me about someone ELSE'S referral?" I couldn't even begin to think that she was telling me about OUR referral!!!

I remember seeing her picture for the VERY FIRST TIME....

I remember the months AFTER the referral and BEFORE travel that were so frantic and happy and hopeful and intense and endless....I remember all of the calls to immigration and other misc. government agencies tracking my paperwork so I could fool myself into thinking I actually had some CONTROL over the process....all of the time spent on adoption Internet bulletin boards for parents waiting to travel too...those people were my virtual family and we helped each other deal with the virtual labor pains...ALL of the phone calls to friends and coworkers and family members talking about "when I might get the travel call" and now we are waiting for this form, or that form, or this paperwork to come from here or there...and NOT allowing myself to dare to hope that I could travel to bring her home by Christmas...

I remember the travel call... standing in the kitchen with my hubby and Alex...the incredible JOY I felt when our social worker Diane called and said...."this is THE call"...it took my breath away!!!!! I remember savoring that moment and enjoying the excitement and the happiness with the knowledge that there is NOTHING else quite like that feeling...and feeling very special that I was able to feel that way and experience that pure intense happiness...

I remember Carl and Alex driving me to take the bus to the airport 2 years ago and I was sobbing and Alex was sobbing and Carl was sobbing and I was so fraught with exhaustion, and excitement, and fear, and uncertainty....and I was only going to Korea for a week but I didn't want to leave Alex and Carl there...I was HEAVY with the knowledge that when I came home I would have another HUMAN with me and our lives would never be the same...

I remember being SO happy to see friendly faces at the airport in Korea and attaching myself to them when I saw them standing there with this guy who held a sign saying he was going to the Eastern guesthouse...

I remember meeting Sophia for the first time and how strange it was to think that this beautiful little girl was going to be MY daughter! And then immediately feeling the most INTENSE sadness I have felt in my life when I realized how much she LOVED her foster parents and how much pain she was going to be in when she left them in a few short days...

I remember finding out that I was going to get physical custody of Sophia one day earlier than expected...which was only the afternoon before leaving Korea to come to the U.S. but I remember going into a complete and utter PANIC thinking "what the heck am I doing....what am I going to do with her????"...and then getting on the computer at the guesthouse and emailing EVERYONE and getting some kind and loving responses that said in the most tactful way possible, "did you REALIZE you were going to Korea to get a BABY???" So then I threw myself into a taxi and went sightseeing by myself to and went shopping....LOL

I remember standing at the guesthouse with the other adoptive parents who were also getting custody of their children and we were there with the foster parents and the babies....and the director, who was this amazing man who is in his nineties was praying over all of us in Korean...and we were all sobbing...and I know I will never experience any single moment in my life again that is like that moment...

I remember Sophia's dear foster parents handing Sophia to me...and the devastated look on her face as she sobbed and called for her "omma" and I remember sobbing with her and her foster parents sobbing and thinking it wasn't fair that I was DOING THIS to this little girl and being ANGRY at the foster parents for not adopting her and putting her through this pain (I'm not saying this is rational...this was just my thought at the time)...and watching her foster dad put his arms around her foster mom and support her physically as they walked away from her....

I remember pacing the guestroom with Sophia for HOURS and HOURS as she was inconsolable...I remember the many knocks on my guestroom door as the other adoptive parents and guesthouse staff dutily checked in on me being the only solo traveler there at the time....

I remember the 12 hour flight...sitting between two business travelers and having some very UNhelpful flight attendants and trying to go to the bathroom while holding a squirmy 8 month old...pulling pants down with one and and then up again....eating nothing but granola bars on the plane...how amazingly quiet Sophia was on the plane...how somber and sad and how she looked when she was SEARCHING the faces on the plane...I know she was searching for her foster mom....I remember watching the little blip on the screen in front of me which tracked the flight across the world as the minutes CRAWLED by and being so freakin' happy to see that little blip hit North America!

I remember getting off the plane and standing in line to go through Immigration and getting the bags and then walking through to see Alex and Carl...and then being so incredibly ANGRY because he was taking a bite out of a cheeseburger when all I had to eat for the past 24 hours were a few granola bars... :)

I could go on and on but I'll stop...I don't know that there is anything else I could say that would sum it all up...so I'll just say I'm glad to have the kids I have, can't imagine having any others...they are my children and I will do my best every day to give them what they need and to be a good momma....

Happy 2nd Birthday Sophia!!!

We had a wonderful birthday weekend with family! Sophia has the hang of opening presents now :)

We all have been doing really well...finished a bathroom remodel in January, thanks to Carl and my sister! Alex recently finished his 4th grade basketball season...he was an awesome player! He is considering track through his school/the park district in April. Carl and I are both busy with the kiddos and with work...but are a happy kind of busy (most of the time). Sophia welcomed her second birthday with a tantrum of monumental proportions! Still, she continues to be a sweet-natured child the majority of the time and continues to adore her big brother. She is really trying very hard to talk and has an amazing way of communicating without words.

We're looking forward to attending an adoption education seminar for our agency (Lifelink) soon...it's a chance to share our experience with families in process, which is always wonderful and exciting. Also are happy to be planning a trip to Colorado this summer! And hopefully a few side trips to see family and friends as well--

Happy holidays! Just posting some updated photos for the people still looking...kids are doing great. We had a recent weekend away at the Dells which was fun and Sophia's first excursion to a water park...she loved it! Alex is happy and healthy too, looking forward to beginning basketball soon. He's now "rockin' it out" on guitar hero world tour which he received for Chirstmas :)

Sophia's newest thing is spicy food and eating with chopsticks! She can outspice Alex and I all ready, I don't think Carl is too far behind. Makes me wonder if there is a genetic link to liking spicy food!

Nothing else new with us...between working and the house and the kids we rarely have a moment to spare, but are always thankful for all that we have.

Christmas photos

Love these photos...everyone's doing well. Sophia continues to grow and change and amaze us everyday with her adaptability. She now likes to say "ow" everytime I brush her hair...even when I'm not pulling it. She is in daycare on Fridays and loves the social interaction, the rest of the week she is either with me, with Carl, or with family while I am working.

Alex played flag football this fall and enjoyed it very much. He also had an awesome school concert with 50's music which was so much fun. That's all for now, busy as always but eternally grateful for how blessed we are to have these two amazing kids :)

1 year ago this month...

We received Sophia's referral...some days it's hard to believe she's only been a part of our lives for 9 months, other days I can't believe how time has flown. Her newest talent is saying cheese, if she sees a camera she puts on her biggest grin :)

Here is a Halloween preview...

And....she continues to have her big brother wrapped around her little finger...

Sophia is just blossoming more and more each day. I think I can honestly say that she is finally sleeping better...like, through the night better. And in her own room. She has found her comfort on a twin mattress on the floor. Let me see if I can give you a 9 month recap as to how she finally reached this monumental milestone:

Phase 1: Slept in our bed between us. Would have been okay with this for a while except quickly found she was a mover and a shaker...

Phase 2: Put crib in our room beside our bed. Found out Sophia was part billy-goat when she tried to chew her way out of crib.

Phase 3: Took side off crib so she could have access to us, but still have her own space to lie in.

Phase 4: Gave this up because it was a major pain in the a** as she would just climb back over me anyhow.

Phase 5: Crib back to Sophie's room...Sophie would start the night in her crib...and end up in our room.

Phase 6: Noticed that when Sophia came to our room to sleep, she would often slide herself off the foot of the bed and sleep on the floor...thus we entered...

Phase 7: Converted crib into toddler bed. Sophia loved it!!! ...but...

Phase 8: She would gladly go to sleep in her room but then roll, slide, or fall out of bed onto the floor and wake herself up...so....

Phase 9: I put a guard rail up on the side of her toddler bed....and Alex said, "mom, isn't it just a crib again now???" I told Alex to keep his mouth shut...but he was right and Sophie hated it...crib rail only lasted one night and...

Phase 10: Twin mattress on floor next to toddler bed. Soon noticed that Sophia started every night in her toddler bed and every morning she was on the mattress....and finally....

Phase 11: Twin mattress on floor in Sophia's room. She starts there, she ends there.

Now...you may be wondering why we made things so difficult knowing that she slept with her foster mom on a futon you may think that it would have been logical to start with a mattress on her floor and sleep in there until she was ready to be in her room by herself. Well, all I can say is...yes, that would have been logical. I never said I was a logical person.

That's all for now...

Morning routine

Sophia likes to get up and sit on Daddy's lap to eat grapenuts first thing in the morning. If you look closely at the above photos you will see that she does this with her eyes closed. She is somewhat slow to wake up in the morning!

The photo above breakfast photos is a recent picture of her with her beautiful eyes open :)

And...the very top photo is of Alex's play, Peter Pan. Alex was an Indian and did a stellar job to a packed house for all 9 shows! In the photo, Alex stands in front of the tree and slightly to the right, next to a kid who is taller than him.

What else can I say? Busy summer, wonderful summer. I'm done with school, finally! Tomorrow I start my position as a post-adoption family therapist...after being laid off from a brief stent as the mental health consultant for childcare providers in the area. Carl is hoping to tackle a bathroom remodel very soon. And of course we enjoy watching the kids grow and change...

Sophia says quite a few words now, mom, dad, "a" for alex, bye, hi, no, that, up, and cat. She runs, climbs like crazy, and now throws temper tantrums! Alex will start 4th grade this year!!! He wants to play flag football this fall and basketball over the winter.

More updates later

Finally---an update!

Well...long time no write. A few people said they still look for updates here...so I thought I'd post some recent pictures and an update to let everyone know how we're doing.

Family updates
We recently went to Disney World and had a blast! The above photos were taken there. Sophia loved the Dumbo ride, the swimming pool at the hotel, the playgrounds at MGM and Animal Kingdom, and all of the people watching at the parks. She was very tolerant of the noise and crowds (which actually weren't too bad). Alex, Carl, and I were able to ride all the big rides by switching off with the baby...we loved the newest roller coaster Expedition Everest!

Sophia updates
She walking, running, and climbing steps with assistance. She now has ten teeth and loves to eat EVERYTHING. We have found that she will eat virtually any vegetable, including asparagus! She babbles a whole bunch, but continues to only say a few words including mama, dada, cat, and what sounds like "all done". Recently Sophia had Roseola and was very sick...high fever and rash all over her body...but she is fine now. Also, Sophia just started a wonderful in home daycare last week and is adjusting well. She has some normal separation anxiety when being dropped off, but the provider reports she is playing with the other kids, napping, eating, etc. She seems to be happy and content afterwards too so I guess it fits her well...I think she likes the interaction with other children and enjoys the structure and stimulation.

Alex updates
Alex has a busy, busy summer planned. The most exciting thing is that he earned a part in Peter Pan, through the Bloomington park district. He had to try out, and out of 100 kids only around 30 were chosen for parts! In his audition he had to sing a solo, dance, and read lines from a script. His part is small, one of the Indians, but we are all so happy and proud! His play runs for 2 weekends in July and the 1st weekend in August so if you are going to be around please come see him! In addition to the extensive rehearsal schedule he will also be attending a week of High School Musical day camp, 6 weeks of day camp through the park district, and spending a week with his cousins and grandparents in Galesburg!

Carl and I are just enjoying the kids and trying to keep up with everything. Carl continues to do IT contract work and has been commuting quite a bit...with the high gas prices he hopes to
locate a non-contract position in Bloomington-Normal later this year when his current contract ends...keep your fingers crossed for him. As far as me...I'm finishing my internship hours in post-adoption counseling, and hope to be completely done around the 1st week of July or so. I am job searching now, and have a hopeful prospect but it is too early to discuss so I'll keep you all posted when I know something.

I'll try to post photos more regularly...thanks for reading!

Someone's been sleeping in my bed

And it's not me!!! Just kidding, really, Sophie is sleeping better. I snapped this photo this morning because Sophie ended up in our bed at 5 a.m., then Alex came in at 6:00 and I got up...when I went to wake him up for school I found them snuggled up and couldn't resist.

Sophie's crib is in our room...next to the bed. She is there most of the night, and for the past few nights has seemed to sleep more soundly. I think it is dependent on how she naps. Anway, that's it for now, we're all doing very well.

Photos

I don't think I need to explain these...they are just cute :)

Some photos from Korea...

I have photos on the camera of Alex and Sophie...but a couple of people asked to see some photos from Korea. So, here are a few. Description from top to bottom:

• A picture of the outside, front, of Eastern Guesthouse where I stayed. Also housed in this building is a nursery where there were 41 nearly newborn babies who were waiting for foster care/adoption, a small facility for pregnant women to live while they are making an adoption plan, and various offices for social workers, etc. Additionally there are guest rooms located on 5 floors with a kitchen on each floor, and a lovely cafeteria to feed workers. One day Eastern hosted a lunch for the adoptive parents one day where we were able to eat with the directors.
• A picture of the kitchen at the Guesthouse where I stayed...there was a kitchen on each floor, they provided OJ, eggs, and bread.
• A Buddhist temple I visited on my one sight-seeing afternoon
  
• Octopi (sp?)...this was taken at a resturant....NO, I did NOT eat there
  
• This is the Hanbok that Sophie's foster parents gave to me for her 1st birthday
  
• Taken at a restaurant one evening with fellow Adoptive parents that I hung around with, we are still e-mailing each other. I feel very bonded with these people that I only spent a few days with.
  
• Sophie with her foster parents at one of our meetings.

Computer time has been a little limited, but I'll try to post some recent photos of Sophie and Alex soon.

Sophie's doing great by the way....sleep still not the best but I think it is getting better. She is starting to babble a whole bunch and loves to watch Alex sing and dance. I took her to the school gym (at the school where my sister works) and she loved walking around the gym with her push toy while Alex played basketball. She still loves her carrier when she is fussy, so it has proven to be well worth the investment.

That's all for now.

Update

Here is a darling photo of Sophie which I am crazy about...I only have a minute to post as I need to get by butt to bed while she is sleeping, which unfortunately is still very little during the nighttime hours. Sophie is a delightful child...very quiet and very happy. She is teething which makes her fussy a little. Sleep is our big issue...she wants to party like rockstar in the middle of the night. We are working on it and I am trying some new strategies tonight. Below is video...I haven't uploaded one before so I have no idea if it will work, anyway she sure is cute isn't she?

Alex is the best big brother in the world, he loves to come home and play with Sophie...he carries her around, and doesn't like to see her upset. Accordingly she is wrapping him around her little finger and training him to do as she pleases...I have warned Alex that this will backfire as it is impossible to make a child happy all the time (take Alex, for example :) ) but I guess he will have to figure that out on his own.

We're home!!!

What an exhausting trip! Isn't Sophie adorable? I haven't yet put my photos from Korea on the computer but these were taken our first full day home. Here is a quick overview of what happened the last day of my trip:

• There was a formal lunch and meetings with the heads of Eastern Social Welfare Services in Korea. It was quite an event...in fact it was all overwhelming.
• Dr. Kim, the founder of Eastern held a prayer service for families getting their children, myself and two other families. It was such a tearful event, very touching. He took a moment to talk a little about each child and his hopes for their lives and for the future.
• The foster parents transferred care to me, it was gut-wrenching. Sophie was crying and arching her back, and the foster mom would pull her back to her. Then they would hand her off to me...Sophie would cry again, and the whole cycle would repeat. It was awful. Everyone was crying, the staff, the foster parents, the babies, and the adoptive parents.
• I took Sophie up to my room and held her for a couple of hours while she cried and arched and grieved...it was so sad. She finally cried herself to sleep and when she woke up was still very sad and refused a bottle the whole night...but was no longer hysterical.
  

Since coming home Sophie is adjusting well. Our times are a little messed up and she is teething...nights are tough, but she is a delightful child with a beautiful smile. She loves to play...Alex is the best big brother and is so patient with her. He sent his friends away so he could spend time with Sophie...it has been very sweet. Just now he went to a friends and asked me to call him when she woke up from her nap so he could come back. We are all so happy.



--

Yikes!

That's all I can say! Today I found out I get Sophie a day early!!!!! I'm excited and very nervous...she isn't too fond of me just yet. Okay, actually...she pretty much is terrified of me. She cries if I try to hold her, I mean, red faced hold your breath kind of crying, not just wimpering...so this is going to be very rough. I'm all over the place with emotions. I'm so happy for me and scared and sad for Sophie and the foster parents, etc. In the morning I need to repack everything so I have it all organized. Wow--we spend all this time planning and waiting and talking and waiting some more and it's finally here.

After our visit today I turned to this nice woman, a fellow "about to be" adoptive parent, and started bawling. She just looked at me and gave me a huge hug. It is so nice to be staying in a place where the people totally get it.

After my meeting rather than fretting I hopped in a taxi and went to Insadong, which is a wonderful shopping area. I managed to tick off the taxi driver because I think he was frustrated that I wanted to go some place so far away with heavy traffic...he just kept shaking his head and letting out these really loud sighs...
When I got to Insadong I was interviewed for Korean television (ask me later), went to a Buddhist temple, and took a taxi back to the guesthouse. From there I went out to a fabulous restaurant with a couple of other families...it was a great way to take my mind off of all my worries and to pass the time while waiting for Sophie. At the restaurant I learned that when you say you want your dish with "only a little spice"...that Koreans have a very different idea from Americans as to what that means.

Tomorrow, other than becoming a mom for the 2nd time I will attend a luncheon held by the staff for the new adoptive families and meet with Dr. Kim...who is the head of Eastern. He will conduct a prayer services for all of the new families, I'm expecting this to be a tear jerker.

That's it for now...

Meeting Sophie

What an icredible experience! It is difficult to put into words. She is beautiful...of course :) Most of all I was overhwelmed by the love and generousity of the foster family. She is very well bonded with her foster parents and their two sons...they asked me to please send pictures as she grows up. The foster family gave me her Hanbok, a whole package of pictures, and a little purse with money (as a wish for her to have a plentiful life).

This is what I learned about Sophie:

• She has 4 teeth
• She can pull herself up and stand
• She likes to hold something in her hand while drinking a bottle
• She is eating some solid foods, but not too many
• She has a temper (according to her foster mom)
• She sleeps with her foster mom and usually naps while her foster mom carries her on her back.
  

Sophie was very leary of me in an appropriate way. She didn't let me get too close to her...but she did let me touch her hand by the end of the meeting. It will take time for her...but I am so thankful to know she has a healthy bond with her foster family.

I am fortunate in that I get to meet with her again today, and possibly Thursday. When foster mom left the room for a couple of minutes during our visit Sophie was bawling...the social worker was in the room and she wasn't able to get her to calm down, and she has been visiting her regularly since birth. So, Friday will be very hard for her...I feel sorry for the people sitting next to us on the plane ride home.

Tuesday night I went to dinner with another adoptive parent, Erin, and her friend. We went to a fusion Korean place and it was good, and interesting. I tried Kimchi and it was spicy but yummy. I also had this dish that was an egg...kind of spread out thin and cooked in an omlete, then stuffed with rice and spices like a burrito, and on the top was this cream sauce with corn in it.

As I said, Wednesday (today for me as I post this), I will meet with Sophie again in the early afternoon and I will take a taxi after to go to a shopping area and possibly a palace close by. Thursday I was invited to have lunch with the agency workers and to meet Dr. Kim, the head of the agency...along with all of the other adoptive parents here.

And Friday of course we come home! I will need to leave for the airport by 8:30 Seoul time so will just spend Friday evening trying to get everything perfectly organized for the long trip home.

Nervous, nervous, nervous

to meet Sophie in 1 hour!

So I am posting to calm my nerves :)

This morning i met with the social worker. It was uneventful and took only 5 minutes. I just filled out some paperwork and she gave me Sophie's travel packet for Immigration and her passport. Then I walked around this nieghborhood some and found a store that sells really cute mittens...I bought a few pair.

Some observations so far:

--Motercycles sometimes drive on the sidewalk, so look out!
--Eastern Guesthouse is a wonderful place to stay for adoptive families. I feel very safe and at home here. There is a kitchen on each floor that is stocked with some basics such as bread, eggs, and OJ.
--There is a market where you can buy simple foods etc about each 1 to 2 blocks...so I'm not going to starve even if I don't feel too adventerous.
--I wish I had taken the time to learn a little Korean...I have a simple phrase book but should have started that months ago. Many people here speak some English so I will get by just fine, but I feel like it would be nice of me, and respectful, if I could speak a little of their language.

Okay, that's it for now...Yikes! In 1 hour I meet Sophie!

Hello from Korea!

I only have a few minutes so this will be a quick post.
I made it safely to the guesthouse last night about 11:30. This morning i ventured out and found a coffee shop and a market...everything is great here! The guesthouse is comfortable and homey, the people are very nice.

This morning I met with the social worker and she gave me Sophie's passport and travel packet. This afternoon I meet with Sophie 1:30 Seoul time. I have met some wonderful families adopting who are staying here...one very nice woman is traveling with a friend so I am going to tag along with them a little. I am psyched!!!! I hope to post photos later, if I can figure everything out.

I miss everyone at home, especially Alex and Carl! For whoever is reading this if I said I'd try and call you I am having a hard time figuring out the calling card so it looks like e-mail is it.

I'll check in later :)

Quick update...

Before I leave...

I decided to head up to Chicago Saturday late afternoon since they are calling for some questionable weather Sunday morning. Also, I have had several people ask for my flight info so here it is:

Leave Sunday December 9:
--United Flight 881 Chicago to Tokyo
--United Flight 883 Tokyo to Seoul, arrival 9:40 p.m. Monday

Return Friday December 14:
--United Flight 884 Seoul to Tokyo
--United Flight 884 Tokyo to Chicago, arrival 11:36 a.m.

Carl and Alex will be picking us up at the airport...

Just a few more days...

and I'll be in Korea! Today I received an e-mail from my social worker. She received a fax from Eastern's guesthouse, where I'll be staying, informing her that they would have a driver pick me up at the airport. This makes me much more relaxed about the whole thing!

So, today I finished my coursework for the semester.
Tomorrow I need to shop for some last minute items, I seem to think of something else I need everytime I turn around.
Friday I pack.
Saturday I plan to do something special with Alex, I don't know what yet...

And, of course, Sunday I LEAVE!!! My understanding is that I will likely meet Sophie on Tuesday, but that won't be confirmed until I arrive.

I purchased a guide to Seoul and a map. I am thinking I will basically have 1 day to sight-see, so my list is short. I would like to see at least 1 temple, 1 palace, and visit one shopping area. I'm also planning on taking the Seoul Bus tour...my understanding is that it stops at all the major touristy areas and you can get on and off all day as many times as you want. This may be a way for me to get an overview of Seoul...Here are some links to websites I've been visiting to narrow down my list of "must sees"...

www.seoulcitytourbus.com/eng-frameset.htm.
http://www.lifeinkorea.com/travel2/seoul/62/

The photo at the top of this entry is of one of the palaces in Seoul...

Getting ready for the trip

Here's my totally awesome new carrier! I don't have a baby around to practice with...so Pooh was my guinea pig :) He really didn't mind too much, he purred the whole time he was in there. Too funny.

traveling alone....

Turns out my cousin is unable to go with me after all....so it looks like I am in for quite the adventure! I can do this though. I posted to the online adoption board I belong to for advice and am all ready getting tons of tips.

My biggest concern is navigating the airport once I arrive since it will be late. I need to arrange my own transportation as the guesthouse I am staying at only picks up during the day. So I am figuring all that out now.

Yikes!